I am going through one of those patches in my life that I've come to expect, but still dread. The feeling of utter hopelessness, worthlessness and anger all mixed into one.

The best way to describe it, is like permanently sitting in a room that has its light dimmed. You can still see things, but the shadows seem larger and they take up more of the room throwing the light in all directions.

Sometimes I just wish I could take a pill and drift away, not ever again having to worry about my problems, but then I realise I would probably land up in some sort of no mans land - don't know if that would be worse or not!!

What really sucks is having to deal with the pain and raw grief that washes over you constantly and without relent. Yes okay, I can hear the shrinks shrieking that I should have been taught to cope with disappointments etc when I was young etc. But hell I would think that by my age I would know how to handle things and deal with what life throws at me. Nope, instead I am consumed by my own thoughts of inadequacy, anger and utter rage.

Where it will all end I don't know but its going to be helluva hard!!