Today is a mixed day for me. Tinged with sadness and happiness. I am sad because I miss him so much, but I am also happy because I had a wonderful, loving father for 36 years in my life.
Even though he was held fast by the grip of depression for most of them and was in and out of hospital with several breakdowns, he was still my father - my light and guiding star.
I was never an easy child at the best of times, due to a combination of being in plaster and numerous hip operations which left me with deep psychological scars. Yet, in spite of this, Dad never wavered in his unconditional love for me. That was the one thing that I knew was constant, that he loved me.
It was thanks to Dad that I developed such an enduring love of books. When I was young he used to tell me stories of ghost riders from Outer Mongolia, and spectral stagecoaches from the American Mid-West. I was enthralled by these stories and he used to sit patiently with me every night reading and answering my endless questions. I am sure I must've driven him mad at times, but he never let on.
Dad used to drag me - moaning like a stuffed drain on long walks to look for birds. At first I didn't appreciate the significance of it, but as I got to enjoy the walks I realised how much I loved birds and to this day I am a confirmed birder - not twitcher!
As I grew he was always supportive of whatever I did, even though he didn't always approve. He was strict at times - much to my utter disgust I was not allowed to go and see the latest Rocky movie because it had an age restriction of 18, and I was only 17! Dad was a stickler for the rules that way. Yet it is that very thing, which shaped me into who I am.
When I plunged into the wide working world for the first time, Dad gave me a list of Do's and Don'ts for making a good impression in your job. At the time I didn't appreciate their value, but now when I look back they are priceless!!
Even though he suffered from severe depression, he always found time to talk and mostly listen as I rambled on about my problems. We did not always see eye to eye, as he was conservative in his approach, and me - well you know me, never a dull moment!! We clashed on so many occasions and I must confess rather shamefully got into some terrible fights over things. Yet, he still loved me and I loved him.
As his back got worse and he was confined to bed, we used to have some really nice long talks and got to understand and appreciate each other in a way which we hadn't done until then. I just wish it hadn't taken something like that to make me realise how much I loved him, but sometimes life isn't always fair.
The day he died, was for me one of the worst imaginable. It felt like a wet cold blanket had been pulled over me and there was no light coming out. I felt like my heart would shatter into a thousand pieces and I would never be able to pick them up again.
But.
I did and here I am today - sadder but wiser.
Dad - you will never know how much I loved you and miss you, but I am determined to keep your legacy alive. I am not perfect by any means but with what you taught me I know I can make a difference, and I am sure that is exactly what you want.
Happy Birthday.
Even though he was held fast by the grip of depression for most of them and was in and out of hospital with several breakdowns, he was still my father - my light and guiding star.
I was never an easy child at the best of times, due to a combination of being in plaster and numerous hip operations which left me with deep psychological scars. Yet, in spite of this, Dad never wavered in his unconditional love for me. That was the one thing that I knew was constant, that he loved me.
It was thanks to Dad that I developed such an enduring love of books. When I was young he used to tell me stories of ghost riders from Outer Mongolia, and spectral stagecoaches from the American Mid-West. I was enthralled by these stories and he used to sit patiently with me every night reading and answering my endless questions. I am sure I must've driven him mad at times, but he never let on.
Dad used to drag me - moaning like a stuffed drain on long walks to look for birds. At first I didn't appreciate the significance of it, but as I got to enjoy the walks I realised how much I loved birds and to this day I am a confirmed birder - not twitcher!
As I grew he was always supportive of whatever I did, even though he didn't always approve. He was strict at times - much to my utter disgust I was not allowed to go and see the latest Rocky movie because it had an age restriction of 18, and I was only 17! Dad was a stickler for the rules that way. Yet it is that very thing, which shaped me into who I am.
When I plunged into the wide working world for the first time, Dad gave me a list of Do's and Don'ts for making a good impression in your job. At the time I didn't appreciate their value, but now when I look back they are priceless!!
Even though he suffered from severe depression, he always found time to talk and mostly listen as I rambled on about my problems. We did not always see eye to eye, as he was conservative in his approach, and me - well you know me, never a dull moment!! We clashed on so many occasions and I must confess rather shamefully got into some terrible fights over things. Yet, he still loved me and I loved him.
As his back got worse and he was confined to bed, we used to have some really nice long talks and got to understand and appreciate each other in a way which we hadn't done until then. I just wish it hadn't taken something like that to make me realise how much I loved him, but sometimes life isn't always fair.
The day he died, was for me one of the worst imaginable. It felt like a wet cold blanket had been pulled over me and there was no light coming out. I felt like my heart would shatter into a thousand pieces and I would never be able to pick them up again.
But.
I did and here I am today - sadder but wiser.
Dad - you will never know how much I loved you and miss you, but I am determined to keep your legacy alive. I am not perfect by any means but with what you taught me I know I can make a difference, and I am sure that is exactly what you want.
Happy Birthday.
